Ookami Tsuki

[moon12]

: Character Information |::

Ookami Tsuki

Type: Original
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Straight
Status: Single
Interest: None
Face Claim: Picture off of flickr

Appearance:

Tsuki is a sweet looking girl with short white hair, with small ribbons on either side as decoration.She stands at about 5.4 ft and weighs around 100lbs.Her eyes are crimson red but she looks innocent enough all the same and she has rather pale skin.Scars mark her back from times when she was captured whilst trying to gather information.Her eyes can be very expressive and as and aspiring kunoichi it can be both a weakness and a burden.


Tsuki wears a long sleeved shirt with sleeves that cover just over half of her hands and a short grey skirt.Her shirt is striped dark grey and black, black ninja sandals adorn her feet and the Tsuki Katana is strapped to her back.She wears her kunai pouch and shuriken holster on her left side as she is left handed.A headband round her neck displays the picture of a wolf and a deep slash runs through the metal, the cloth part is black to go with her clothes.


When Tsuki is in her wolf form she is a dark grey wolf with a blue tint to her long fur.A blue lightning bolt symbol is on her left shoulder and it shines in the moonlight.She has blue eyes and razor sharp fangs, her nails are sharp enough to cut through armor and she has is quite a large wolf.A long tuft of fur runs down the top of her neck, her paws are large so Tsuki is capable of pinning down large opponents and also being athletic.


From her appearance you wouldn't guess that she is from a shoot-off of the Inzuka, however this is because she had a history of red eyes in her ancestors and her hair was died white as a baby.The markings on her cheeks are absent due to make-up but if you rubbed her cheeks with a damp cloth they would show.

Personality:

Tsuki is a very strange girl indeed, one minute she will be all loud the next she will fall silent.Due to her family's death she is very cautious and highly secretive.If you want a secret kept safe, tell it to Tsuki.Loyal,that is a word that best fits this girl.She would never betray anyone, never.She thinks that those who would deserve not to live.


Another thing about Tsuki is her way of making cash.She is an assassin and a spy, she sneaks into the main ninja villages and gathers what she can from the inside.Most of the times she is successful, but she has been caught a fair amount of times.Loyalty is what makes Tsuki tick, without it she feels useless and betrayed.Those who too betray her will find themselves victims to her violent temper.


Intellectually, Tsuki is average.She can use strategies but most of the time they back-fire so she prefers gut instinct.In one ways she is like a wolf in personality, she keeps fighting till the end but she will give up if she has to.When she isn't in a mood to give up she becomes quite morbid or starts swearing at and insulting those around her, all depends on how annoyed she is at the time.


Tsukis strengths are hand to hand fighting and fighting in her wolf form.She is also pretty good at sword fighting and is pretty quick.However, there is one thing that this girl despises, water!She couldn't swim to save her life and she isn't very good at seeing through Genjutsu.She can deal with solid things, bleeding, cuts and sicknesses.But water and Genjutsu are neither solid nor real so she finds fighting illusion wielders difficult.

Note:every time it mentions the Ookami as a clan it means an off-shoot.They are an off-shoot of the Inzuka
History:

20 years before Tsuki was born part of the Inzuka Clan committed an awful crime against the village and was exiled from the village, doomed to wander forever.They made their new home in the snowy regions and wandered around for a while before settling.Their home was but a bunch of huts but they were happy.Then, wolves starting coming nearer and nearer to the Clans home.When the Clan spoke to them, using the abilities retained from their Inzuka days, they learned that the wolves were starving and needed food for their pups.The Clan agreed to help them but in turn the wolves had to help guard their home.


Over time bonds were developed with the wolves and they explained how to cut down on deaths due to frost-bite.Swimming in the cold water, whilst it sounds suicidal, increases a persons resistance to cold gradually.The Clan did this and the amount of frost bite cases decreased and then finally stopped all together.However, other threats to the village like Arctic foxes and other wolves still troubled the village.


Finally it was decided that for each generation a ninja squad would be put together.Tsukis father was among them and so his first born child would be part of the squad when the time came for it.Four years later and Tsuki was born.She was quick to befriend a wolf whom she called Amaya, or what she could pronounce at the age of one "Am'y'"Her father saw this bond and knew she could be a great kunoichi one day.


When Tsuki was around 6 years of age,word of the off-shoot spread and historians wanted to know more about them and why they were there.However,the people themselves carried germs the Ookami hadn't faced in years and they started getting sick and dying.Eventually Tsukis father and the rest of the ninja killed and drove out these intruders and then refocused on getting their sick healed.They obviously had not figured out it would have consequences in the future.It was also in this year that Tsuki began her training to become a kunoichi.


Time went on and the Clan became more accustomed to it's surroundings.The men became better at hunting and fighting and the woman learned how to find medicine in the harsh conditions.Tsuki was turning into quite a ninja,and on her fifteenth birthday her father presented her with an ebony sword,Tsuki Katana.She was overjoyed at the gift as she knew how hard it was to get the rarer metals around her home and she trained as hard as she could every day.


On her sixteenth birthday though,things were about to change.The Ninja Villages had finally decided to act upon destroying the Ookami Clan and the duty had fallen on Konoha for apparently "creating a monster".They sent a squad of ANBU to do the job.When the attack started the wolves were first to land blows and the Clan soon followed.Tsuki however was forced to hide by her mother,she never saw her parents again after that.


On the fifth day the sounds finally stopped and when she went outside to see what had happened she was horrified.Crimson snow blanketed the ground and the bodies of the dead lay everywhere.However, there was one other who had survived.Amaya had managed to hide too and when she saw Tsuki was safe she felt relieved.The wolf informed the girl of a scroll she had been ordered to guard.Tsuki followed her four-legged friend to where it was kept, tears still rolling down her face, and then read what was contained in the scroll.


Her Clans darkest secrets lay before her eyes.Every detail made when the Clan sought to destroy Konoha using strategy and politics.They were indeed the ones who murdered the important politician and had tried to frame the Uchiha Clan.More evidence was found against them and they were exiled.Having read the scroll she was enraged and cut a gash through her recently acquired head band.Amaya at her side she set out to live life as an assassin and a spy, Ookami Tsuki was born.

Chakra Element: Unknown

Rank: Chuunin

Affiliation: Missing-nin, her Clan was a group of travellers who created a group of ninja for their protection.Tsuki was one of these.May not remain missing-nin as she isn't all that evil.

Weapons:

[/b] Tsuki Katana
Type: Sword
Properties: Long sword, thin and light weight
Character: Ookami Tsuki
Description: Black metal that shines silver in the moon-light

Kunai
Shuriken[/ul]

Known Jutsu:

Theme Songs(s):

Extra Notes:

Her wolf form & Amaya

: Puppeteer Information |::

Your Name: Heather/Moon/Tsuki
Your Age: 13
Read The Manga / Seen The Anime? Until before Sasuke left
How'd you find me?! Affiliate
Rule Code: flirtatious fujiwara
Sample RP:

Tsuki
Dancing bears
Painted wings
Things I almost remember...

Clutching the bloodied scroll in her bleeding hand,Tsuki landed with a thud in the clearing.Taking a deep breath and looking over her shoulder she reached down her other hand and placed it on Amayas head.The wolf smiled at her and moved away to a nearby puddle to get a drink.Sighing, the girl plopped down by a tree and stared at the scroll."I need to learn healing jutsus."She said to her wolf companion who just barked and walked over to her.Nudging the scroll from her pale hand Amaya started licking the wound.

Giggling and resting her head against the tree she patted her friends head.The scroll she had recovered would buy them food for another week.Well herself, Amaya was perfectly capable of hunting for herself but the white haired teen preffered actual food to rabbit or deer.This is how they had lived since her Clans demise,only a few months had gone by but Tsuki was coping well.She had to,there was no room for weakness now.

[Kogitsune]

Even though I know that this hasn't been completed, I'd like to point out a few things:
` First off, I've posted in your thread in the Customs board, so if you've read that, then those are main issues.
` Secondly, the last paragraph in personality should go into her appearance.
` Thirdly, what's a "stone" in the second sentence of the appearance?
` Fourthly, her village. Both Yukigakure and Hoshigakure are filler villages, but they both appear in the anime (and, for Yuki, movie). I'm not sure if Saska would approve of her being from a custom village, but I for one would need for a few things to happen:

1. You would have to be an absolutely amazing roleplayer with years upon years of experience.
2. You would need to be completely up-to-date with the manga (and anime, but that's not as big).
3. The clan history would have to be extremely detailed.
4. The village history would have to be so detailed that my mind would explode on contact.
5. .... Okay, not explode on contact, but it would have to be pretty well plotted-out.
6. ONE CLAN CANNOT MAKE A VILLAGE.
7. Your weapons and jutsu are not in the correct format.

Other than these... carry on with the application!

[moon12]

J'ai fini!
That is French for I am finished/done

And I am pretty happy with her overall,so if a staff member could please check her out I'd appreciate it

Oh and I didn't move any of the paragraphs cause I wasn't sure why I needed to in the first place

[Higa]

Hm...honestly, I'd say that it would probably be best just to stick her in the Inuzuka clan and have her specific family be an exiled group, not an entire offshoot clan. Perhaps she's just part of the Inuzuka that chose wolves instead of dogs?

The whole point about a wandering clan being able to survive in snowy wastes is a bit hard to believe. I'd honestly say it'd be better just to stick her in the Inuzuka clan have her adopt the surname of "Ookami". Maybe she would to hide the fact that she's a missing-nin?

[moon12]

Um,thats kind of what I meant.They called themselves the Ookami to hide the fact that they were part of the Inzuka Clan and in honour of their bonds with wolves

[Higa]

I would definitely say that you shouldn't be calling them a 'new clan' then, merely an offshoot of the Inuzuka instead.

Also: why in the world would people want to go find a bunch of missing-nin, is my question. I'm not trying to be too picky here, but the fact that a bunch of Inuzuka left and started wandering around doesn't really seem like it would attract people. I think I would understand if hunter-nin came to destroy them for being missing-nin, but not because they were some sort of 'new clan'.

[moon12]

Hm,you got a point there.Shall change it,however only so it attracted those who were curious.ie:didn't know why the off-shoot was there and heard rumours.

[Haruno Sakura]

Alll righteys. Firstly, I'd like to welcome you to Dokuji Shippuden~ I'm the head Admin, Saska, and I hope you enjoy your stay here! I totally bite the new people all the time love to welcome all teh new peoplez! ='D

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Okay, you don't have to state at the top that it's last then first. Most of our names on the site tend to go like that... And the way your app's written makes it obvious. No need to include it.

For your categories... before it annoys me, please, PLEASE, put a damn't space after the colon, otherwise it will annoy the hell out of me. Sorry, it just makes it look much more professional. ^^

Now, over to the appearance. 5'4", and 84 lbs? I'd assume seeing as you never really described her build that she's about average, and I can say, 84 lbs is NOWHERE close to average. I'm average for that height - because I'm that tall - and I weigh like, 125 lbs or so. Either make her shorter or make her weigh at least 100 lbs, for sure, if you want her to have an average build. Your picture isn't letting you get away with going without describing anything in the appearance, at all.

Why are her eyes red? And why is her hair white? If she's a member that's an offshoot of the Inuzuka - I'll get to that later - then for what reason would she have these odd traits? Also, what about the common facial markings in the Inuzuka clan? You really need to read up on the Inuzuka if you want to have her clan be a branch off.

Now... to your personality. I have to say, I rarely deny characters, but... This personality is a plain no as it is now. She's completely sue. Bouncy and rainbows and then wanting to slit your throat? No. It's too sue for my liking. To be honest... this whole character is sue in my opinion, so in order to help you, I'd like you to do something. Here is something called a litmus test, and it helps you work through to see how sueish your character is. Read everything accurately, or you might do the test itself wrong. I want you to answer the respective parts for your character, and tell me your score... Answer it truthfully, please. There are so many places that your personality contradicts itself that I don't even know where to start. Maybe if I feel like it, I'll go through and work out them all, but I want to get everything else first.

Also, when I'm looking at your paragraphs, I can see numerous grammar errors... with like, every sentence. Every period should have a space after it before you start the next paragraph... So please, go through and fix all of those. That goes the same for your commas; your commas should have a space after them before you start typing, too. And please make it a habit to keep that up. I don't like incorrect grammar to that degree.

I'll get to your history later, too. You've got enough to work with.

Well... Good luck with your editing!

[moon12]

Did what I could
And did the test,may have done it wrong so if you could go and do it I would appreciate it

P.S-Completely irrelevant but I am making a plot for her so I can start RPing as soon as she is accepted.It is centered around Konoha and I was wondering if you wanted to join?

[Haruno Sakura]

Don't deal with plot-related things in here. If you would like me to join, PM me. Don't use the Character Creation forum for this. Thank you.

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No, I can't do the test for you. Read the instructions on the test. It's not that hard to figure out. I can't answer all of the questions properly. Do it and tell me the score you got. This character is too sue-ish for my liking.

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You did nearly nothing of what I stated. I still think 100 lbs is too light for 5'4" in being realistic, but whatever. I want you to describe her physical apperance, i.e. HER BUILD. Is she muscular? Skinny? I'd expect, if she's a Taijutsu user, to at least have some weight on her. I'd honesly expect her to be - even as a slender girl - at least 120 lbs. AT LEAST.

If she's an offshoot of the Inuzuka, there's no feasable evidence that she'd have red eyes. None at all. The Inuzuka don't have funny-coloured eyes, at all. And if her hair was DYED white as a baby, she'd have to keep re-dying it over and over again as it grew. Be realistic, please. I realize that the Naruto world isn't completely realistic, but she's human. Hair grows. Sakura's a great example. Her hair was long in the timeskip. -.-;; and Ino's grew over the timeskip.

Using simply makeup to cover up something as visible as the Inuzuka markings is... still unrealistic. The technology in the Naruto world isn't as advanced as our world, and I know for a fact that today's makeup doesn't even cover up red spots too well. >< She'd probably have to use that annoying, itchy, paste-like halloween makeup in order to cover something as bright as those Inuzuka markings up completely.

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Your personality is still sueish. Horridly. Sadly, I rarely deny apps, but I'm sorely tempted to deny this, it's so bad. I'll collaborate with the rest of the staff before / if I decide to do so, but as of now... It's in no shape to work in the Naruto world.

I'm going to go through this by paragraph, and I'll show my changes in pink.

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Add in your damned spaces. It will annoy me to no end. THERE'S A THING CALLED A SPACEBAR. YOU USE IT AFTER PERIODS. If I have to repeat myself again, I WILL deny this app. I'm thoroughly annoyed at the moment, so I apologize if I seem harsh.

Tsuki is a very strange girl indeed, one minute she will be all loud the next she will fall silent. Very sue-like. That sentence contradicts itself in too many ways. Have her either one or the other, not both. Due to her family's death she is very cautious and highly secretive. Why does this make her secretive? What exactly is she secretive about? Is she touchy about the subject? Does she not want anyone to know? Just because her family died wouldn't make her secretive about everything. You need reason behind that. If you want a secret kept safe, tell it to Tsuki. If she were secretive, she wouldn't talk to people, most likely... So how would they be able to even tell her a secret? I say remove this, or at least down it. It's too sue-ish, much too sue-ish. She would at least tell the littlest lie; it's human nature. SHE'S NOT PERFECT. Loyal,that is a word that best fits this girl. Why is she loyal? What makes her loyal? Does she trust people? That contradicts the fact that you say she's secretive. If she were secretive and someone asked her about her family and to be honest and loyal, then she'd contradict herself. Fix. She would never betray anyone, never. Then why is she a missing-nin? She would have betrayed her village to be a missing-nin, ne? That's what they are... If she hadn't betrayed her village, then she wouldn't be a missing-nin, period. She'd probably be presumed dead. She thinks that those who would deserve not to live. I'm confused. What? I don't get this sentence. It makes no sense at all. It looks more like the start to a sentence than anything.

Another thing about Tsuki is her way of making cash.She is an assassin and a spy, she sneaks into the main ninja villages and gathers what she can from the inside. Any intruder into any of the villages would be killed on sight. She's not perfect, like I said. This whole character gives me a sour taste, and I usually don't get that when I see characters. Seriously? She's an assassin, and yet she's little miss happy all the time? No. Absolutely not. It's another contradiction. You say she won't betray people, and yet she's an assassin? That's betraying people. You're betraying them because you're KILLING THEM. And you're betraying villages by stealing information. Eventually she would be caught, or sought out because she had information. She would have died a long time ago if this were the case. Most of the times she is successful, but she has been caught a fair amount of times. Pardon my language, but FOR f*ck SAKES. She's been caught now? She'd be f*ckin' dead if that were the case. THEY WOULD HAVE KILLED HER ON SIGHT. ESPECIALLY IN AMEGAKURE. Loyalty is what makes Tsuki tick, without it she feels useless and betrayed. Loyalty makes her mad? And yet she's loyal? Wtf... Seriously. This personality contradicts itself every freaking sentence it goes on. I'd suggest by now that you just rewrite the whole thing. Loyalty pisses her off, and yet SHE'S loyal? That's contradictory AND hypocritical in her case.Those who too betray her will find themselves victims to her violent temper. Sunshine and rainbows and little miss happy... and then she's got a violent temper? Goddammit. Make her one or the freaking other. I think you need to learn how to write a personality. Seriously? Go read some of the accepted characters. Namely, Mitsukai Aiuya. See how she's a b*tch? See how she's a sadist? Yeah. THEY TIE TO EACH OTHER. They don't contradict. Each character's personality should have one gem with many facets. Not eighteen kajillion with like, once facet. It doesn't work.

Intellectually, Tsuki is average.She can use strategies but most of the time they back-fire so she prefers gut instinct. Gut instinct? Sounds like a Naruto clone to me, in that sense. Shinobi don't always follow gut instinct. They strategize to a point, even if they do backfire. In one ways she is like a wolf in personality, she keeps fighting till the end but she will give up if she has to. Again you contradict yourself. If she fights to the end, that means she fights until she dies. And then you say she WILL give up? One or the other. When she isn't in a mood to give up she becomes quite morbid or starts swearing at and insulting those around her, all depends on how annoyed she is at the time. People who are sunshine and rainbows don't become morbid. At all. They're either fully morbid and / or sadistic like Aiuya or they're just... not. Aiuya swears like there's no tomorrow because she's like that. ONE OR THE FRICKIN OTHER.

Tsukis strengths are hand to hand fighting and fighting in her wolf form. Then she can't certainly be someone who's 100 lbs. You'll definitely have to up her weight to at least 120 if you want her to be a hand-to-hand user. Seriously? That's unrealistic. She is also pretty good at sword fighting and is pretty quick.However, there is one thing that this girl despises, water!She couldn't swim to save her life Why does she despise water? And why can't she swim? You need reason as to why... Take Konan, for example. Konan can't swim. Konan hates water. Konan hates water because it's her weakness; paper becomes soggy when wet, right? It means she can't use her origami jutsu... therefore, she hates water. and she isn't very good at seeing through Genjutsu. Oh my freakin god! Something in here actually makes sense? Oh! I'm so surprised. -_- She can deal with solid things, bleeding, cuts and sicknesses.But water and Genjutsu are neither solid nor real so she finds fighting illusion wielders difficult. Sicknesses aren't solid things. Water can be dealt with. That's why they can, oh, I dunno, WALK ON WATER. Duh. Seriously. Even Lee can walk on water. And he doesn't even use Ninjutsu. And water is real... Duh. She'd drink it, or she'd die otherwise.

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I'll again get to the history later. You've got lots to work on. And don't slack. I don't like slackers.

[moon12]

I give up! I am just gonna go ahead and delete her. Then rewrite her later.

Edit: I couldn't leave the above ^ withought giving reasons, that would be rude.

The reason I am planning on deleting her is that now I think about it a character like her wouldn't survive in the Naruto world for one minute and her history makes little sense either.

[Haruno Sakura]

I'll move this to the denied applications, then.

Feel free to keep your account and work on a new one ^^

Oh, and I thought I'd warn you ahead of time... If you're planning to rewrite her... Use the same rewritten version for Leaf Academy. Because I'm the global mod there. And I will scalp it again >< Just thought I'd give you a heads-up.