Suzugin Kigami (WIP)

[oakfang]

: Character Information |::

Suzugin Kigami

Type: Original
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Sexuality: Hetero, willing to try with a girl.
Status: Single
Interest: (Currently unsure, but I would like her to like somebody. Anybody interested PM me)
Face Claim: I created her myself.

Appearance:

Kigami has long brown hair, just reaching her hips, dark green eyes. Slim, curvy build. She has adorably pointed canine teeth and long thin arms. She is in very very good physical shape. The picture above is her casual wear, this is how she dresses for battle or missions:

Personality:

Kigami is a very twisted and confused young girl. Her mind is filled with creative feeling, confused emotion, and bestial aggression. She is painfully awkward and appears very antisocial, but really she is just terrified of interacting with others. She feels every emotion tenfold over most people that are considered over-emotional, and she hates it. She would love to have friends, maybe even a boyfriend one day. But she just can't seem to be able to make that step herself. She admires all shinobi or ninja more powerful than herself, and always strives to improve her skills. Most people take the blank, angry look set on her face to be a gesture of distaste, but if you look closely, there's anxiousness and pain hidden behind those mysterious green eyes.

History:

You have no idea what she's been through. Neither does she, because she doesn't remember...

Well, she woke up one morning, lying on the dusty ground, two years ago, with practically no memories. She had a few hundred bucks in her pocket, an ID card, and a note. A note with one single word on it

Chakra Element: No idea.

Rank: Chuunin.

Affiliation: Sunagakure

Weapons:
She carries a large scythe on her back.
The scythe has a long black handle with red binding in the middle to hold it by. The blade is large and long, with a pointed tip. It's specially made so she can channel her chakra through it.

She also carries the regular arsenal of Shinobi weapons: Shuriken, Exploding notes, and two kunai.

She also has a special weapon previously unmentioned.

Known Jutsu:

Kokohi no Jutsu - False Place Technique: a simple Genjutsu technique which changes the appearance of a nearby object.

Bunshin no jutsu: creates illusionary multiples of oneself.

Water Walking technique To walk on water.

Kai - Release: a Ninjutsu technique which allows the ninja to avoid the effects of a Genjutsu illusion.

Kawarimi no Jutsu - Change of Body Stance Technique:When in danger the ninja will quickly substitute themself with another nearby object. This can be a block of wood or even another person.




Theme Songs(s):
Just a Thought- by Gnarls barkley.
Hope There's Someone- by Anthony and the Johnsons.

Extra Notes: Any notes that don't apply to any of the sections.

: Puppeteer Information |::

Your Name: Plaxy. Call me oak or Plaxy. Or whatever, I don't mind!

Your Age: is this compulsary?

Read The Manga / Seen The Anime? I watched the whole first series and a couple of shippuuden's. a long time ago.

How'd you find me?!: Shino linked me on messenger.
Rule Code: (the codes are DIFFERENT for canons and originals! You can find them in the rules!)
Sample RP:

(Please include this for ANY character. ALL CANONS REQUIRE THIS!)

[NPC [Saska]]

I'm going to point this one out right now.

No, you can't have the Nibi Bijuu, sadly. The Nibi is already sealed inside Nii Yugito of Kumogakure no Sato. You will have to take her if you wish to have the Nibi. If you're meaning something else dubbed the 'nibi' well... Sorry, but no. There already is a demon called the Nibi... so there can't be a second one.

[NPC [Aya]]

And I am going to point this out also, at this current time we are not accepting anymore Konoha ninja.

[oakfang]

I undertsand 'bout the nibi.

Oh maannn, but I've never done a naruto roleplay before **bangs head on desk**

I'll alter it.

[Haruno Sakura]

All right, well, normally I don't touch things until they're done, but... This looks like it's almost done, so I'm going to run through it real quickly and point some stuff out.

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APPEARANCE

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All right, your appearance, I can tell you right now, is NOT detailed enough. Pretend you don't have the awesomely awesome drawn picture of your character... and describe her. Write the appearance as if all there is is the picture in your mind, there is no such thing as a drawing, there's no picture on the Internet for us to see, nothing like that. I want you to describe her outfits and all, down to the most prominent details. And make sure you're writing it in nice sentences rather than choppy ones. It doesn't look like this flows very well from one sentence to the next.

If you want to get a good idea of how to do a character application, look at some of the ones written by the staff. Four of them that you should check out are Ketsueki Sora, Sasori, Hyuuga Neji, Inuzuka Hana, Kogitsune, Kajitori, Haruno Sakura, and Tenten. [two from each of the staff members] That will show you the way that you should write. now, it doesn't have to be EXACTLY like those, but try to get as close as you possibly can. The more detail, the better. Don't worry if it's long; we absolutely do NOT mind if it's long at all!

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THE PERSONALITY

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My comments will be in pink for this section.

Kigami is a very twisted and confused young girl.Why is she twisted and confused? HOW is she twisted? Is she sadistic? Masochistic? Loves the sight of blood? For what reason is she considered 'confused'? Her mind is filled with creative feeling Creative feeling about what? How does she use this?, confused emotion ? Explain, please., and bestial aggressionOkay, so she's basically... Really brutal? Who or what is she brutal towards? Herself? animals? Others? She's seeming a lot like a mary-sue character because of the lack of description and elaboration..

She is painfully awkward Why? and appears very antisocial Again, why does she 'appear' antisocial? You can't just 'appear' antisocial if you're not., but really she is just terrified of interacting with others Once again, WHY? For what reason is she terrified of others?. She feels every emotion tenfold over most people that are considered over-emotional, and she hates it.I don't get what you're saying here. If you're saying she can basically feel others' emotions, i.e. an empath, if you've ever read Talia Gryphon's novels, then that's a no-no. They're HUMAN. They might have cool jutsu they can use, but they're still human. Please re-word this sentence so it makes sense, because it confuses even me. She would love to have friends, maybe even a boyfriend one day. But she just can't seem to be able to make that step herself.Again. WHY CAN SHE NOT DO THIS? She admires all shinobi or ninja more powerful than herself, and always strives to improve her skills. Usually people have a driving force for this or are just workaholics. Elaborate. A lot. Most people take the blank, angry look set on her face to be a gesture of distaste, but if you look closely, there's anxiousness and pain hidden behind those mysterious green eyes.

All in all, you have a fairly good start to the personality, but there simply isn't enough elaboration. Try taking each of the traits you've mentioned, giving them explanations, and giving reasons behind them.

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THE HISTORY

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You have no idea what she's been through. Neither does she, because she doesn't remember...

Well, she woke up one morning, lying on the dusty ground, two years ago, with practically no memories. She had a few hundred bucks in her pocket, an ID card, and a note. A note with one single word on it

It says right in the template. NO. UNKNOWN. HISTORIES. I do not CARE if nobody knows what she's been through, I do not CARE what happened to cause her to forget if she did, THERE IS NO EXCUSE. SHE MUST HAVE A HISTORY. She did not just suddenly poof into the world and exist. SHE WAS BORN. Write her a history. I won't pass this otherwise. I find reasons like this to be an excuse for laziness on the writer's part.

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THE WEAPONS[/hr]

The weapons should be listed, and in the proper format. There's a template you need to use for the scythe, because it is a custom weapon.

Also, what is this other special weapon? It has to be named, listed, everything. This application itself is NOT part of the in-character part of the site, at least not directly. Everything has to be explained, or this application, sadly... Will be denied.

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THE JUTSU

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All of the jutsu need to be in the proper format.

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This application still has a lot of work that needs to be done... Regardless of whether she remembers her history, it's still there. It still happened. Regardless of whether anyone else remembers it, she exists. She didn't just pop out of nowhere at fifteen.

I also apologize if I sounded harsh. I tend to get like that when I review. ^^; If I came across as wanting to bite your head of, I DON'T MEANT IT T_T And capitals are emphasis. I'm too lazy to use italics. XD

Good luck!